Today was my third session of Chemotherapy and it was a very difficult day. Nothing went wrong with the medicine or the nurses, but it was very hard to keep a positive attitude while receiving the R-CHOP. I wonder if other Cancer patients feel like this around the half way point of their chemotherapy sessions. It is so frustrating to go into the hospital right when you FINALLY begin to feel better and get sick all over again. I know I have to look at the big picture and that the powerful drugs are in turn killing the Cancer, but it is hard to remember that, especially when you feel so sick and down. Everyone keeps telling me I should stay optimistic because I'm at the halfway point, but for me it doesn't make it easier. If anything I feel depressed that I still have to go through 3 more whole sessions!! Sorry for venting! I am still positive about my fight and I know I will beat this, it is just hard when you feel sick. I'm sure once the side effects of the chemo go away I'll be better. I know just putting these thoughts down to paper has already made me feel a little better. I'm sure other Cancer patients would agree that sometimes you need to just get these feelings out. When you're faced with so much in such a short period of time, it is hard not to feel a little down. I'm so glad I have this blog.
Otherwise, it was nice to have my mom, Aaron, and sister Brittany there to support me during the chemo session. They are such a great support system for me. Having my sister here takes so much stress off my back. She is so much fun and she really helps out in every avenue.
The only pain I experienced during the session was some burning around the site of the IV. We did the IV on the right hand this time and all day and tonight it has been very sore. Plus, right when I was receiving one of the Chemo drugs from my nurse Marcia, I found out some very frustrating news. Last night my mom got into a car accident using my car, and it was her fault!! All she did was bump a parked car, but it is going to cost $600 to fix the scrap. And in South Dakota the person who owns the car is responsible, no matter if that person was not there during the accident or if the driver at fault has her own insurance. So that means I now have her accident on my record and my car insurance gets to go up. Just what I need right now!! I can't believe this...
However, on a positive note, new blood lab work looks great. My white blood cells are doing great, and my doctor says I look great for my third chemo treatment. So now I'm trying to keep positive and strong. It is just a horrible irony that as you are fighting a horrible disease, you also have to deal with all the regular hiccups in life. I want to ask, why can't things be easier, but one thing I have learned is to never compare my life with anyone else. I am grateful for my situation and I know it could be a lot worst.
So I'm trying to remember that I'm a Strong,
A Powerful,
And A Beautiful Person, inside and out!
Danielle
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When it rains, it pours. I hear ya Danielle. You have enough on your plate and something else comes up.
ReplyDeleteWhen my mother was in the hospital seven years ago, I went to Florida to lend a hand. I was headed home from the hospital when I got rear-ended in my parent's mini-van. Mr. Murphy strikes again!
I know everyone is telling you to hang in and keep fighting when you're not feeling well from your "R-CHOP cocktail", so here I am adding to the chorus of encouragement.
Maybe it's not exactly the right time to ask, but when are you going to show your family the Corn Palace? When you get to feeling better come on over for a quick visit and have your picture taken with "Cornelius".
Rock on my friend!
Hi Danielle,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are struggling. Many people do and you feelings aren't "abnormal". After my 3rd treatment I called the dr's office and told them I couldn't do it anymore, it wasn't worth it. I was so sick and I just cried and cried. After you can't cry any more you realize you have two choices; either die or you get more chemo. Dying at this miserable point in my life didn't sound half bad but the idea of leaving my son behind broke my heart and I'm sure you feel the same way about your parents, sister and boyfriend. So you take it one day at a time, actually sometimes an hour at a time, minute.. because for some of us NHL chemo really sucks!
There are a few things that got better after the 3rd treatment; you know what to expect so it isn't quite so scary anymore and you learn a few tricks along the way to make yourself more comfortable-- Cinnamon has become a staple in our house. It helped the nausea and the horrible taste in your mouth that chemo causes. I still eat it as I swear it helps the pain in my bones.
A trick for the psychological pain; When I was a kid mom used to say "no matter how bad you think your life is you can always find someone else who is worse off than you are". So I started reading about the small children with cancer. Those poor little things suffer so much you feel guilty for complaining.
I had some of the lowest points in my life during chemo. I was originally diagnosed as terminal and within a week of diagnosis my married daughter wanted to know if she was a beneficiary on my insurance policy and was angry with me that she wasn't. My sister ran out of the hospital when I was diagnosed and I never saw her again for 18 months. She lives 45 miles away. Reading about others, praying for others kept me sane. I truly don't think you or I will die from this. I don't know why but my track record for being intuitive is extremely good.
I hope you find more tricks of your own; something that brings you some relief. Hopefully writing your blog is helping you to vent some frustration and work thru this cancer process. You'll get thru chemo. Hope you are sleeping well right now. Take care
Danielle, I guess sometimes we don't realize how good we have it until the "bad steps in"! I used to always remind myself when I was having a bad time that it could be worse and it probably was for someone else. Just remember that with your Faith, your Family & and your Friends, you will get through this stumbling block in your life. You are a strong person, just hang in there. Only 3 treatments to go and you will have this thing beat! Take care, rest and keep that positive attitude.
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